How does your energy feel at the end of the day?
Are you left drained by your work, by the people around you, by your extended family, children, friends or partner?
Do you dread answering the phone or do you avoid texts, switch off your mobile or ignore emails for days? There are times when we don’t answer that message because we know who it will be from and what they want.
We can identify the people that drain our energy levels so much that we set up some pretty complicated avoidance tactics. We make up excuses, lie or do anything not to be available.
This creates a huge amount of stress and anxiety, not to mention the huge feelings of guilt some of us subsequently experience. There are times where we are dealing with some pretty mega stuff in our own lives that means that we just don’t have the internal resources to deal with that other person.
Avoidance is not a satisfactory solution! We need to confront what it is that we are avoiding. This does not mean hurting the other person but means we need to explain that maybe we are not the right person to help them at that point. The loving thing to do is to help them find the right person or right type of support to help them.
It is a question of maintaining your own healthy boundaries. If you absolutely need to be involved, be clear about what you are prepared to do and what you are not, such as no calls after 8pm, not on a weekend etc.
Being clear means that your body knows that there are set times to deal with certain issues rather than being on call the whole time. If you don’t do this then your adrenaline levels are on high alert and you are like the emergency services ready to launch a full-scale rescue.
Other times we disempower the other people by doing the thing for them. We think this is quicker, easier and less time consuming. The reality is that it means that you are their “go-to” person forever as they don’t feel they have the power or wherewithal to do it themselves.
What’s important is to manage your energy levels in order to have enough to support yourself and to give to the important people in your life. This is not about cutting out everybody that is negative in your life, but it is about recognising how they can influence your energy levels.
If you are finding that you are not getting to spend the time with the people that you love – then changes are called for!
Rather than putting special time at the end of your list when all the other stuff is done, how would it feel if you just scheduled that time in your diary the way you do for a dentist appointment or a meeting? Make it a priority rather than an afterthought. How would that make you feel and what difference would that make to the people you want to spend time with?
If you have not quite got the balance right and need some help to manage saying “no” then book an appointment now.
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